Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Memories are an invasion of privacy. It can be a curse, plaguing your every existance. Forever worshipping that you can't lay a finger on it. Laughing in your face at how pathetic you look when you try..

It's soul searching, cryptic, and neurological. Anticlimactic even. performing on ever whim you survive. You see something, it's stuck. You smell something, it's stuck.
Tast, smell, sight, touch, and sound. All of them parades to your every essence..

Determined to make your life a never ending story. Forcing itself upon you. Feeding your being with hope, sorrow, and empathy..

Best time for your memory to curse and laugh is when you can't remember something or it's right at the tip of your tongue. It laughs until you get it right. And then thwarts away any attempt for it to happen again..

It's just wrong and self concious. Confusing, and stubborn. Idiocy is what i call it.. plain attacks on you. Your own self taking pride in making itself miserable.


.... Places of utter compulsion...

Why do people have to be so obnoxious all the time. They like to test you at the wrong friggin times. Like to test you becuase it pleases them to see how far they can go before destroying everything..

Complete and utter disgust for those people sometimes. It's just wrong, and utterly pathetic..

There should be no need for tests like that. You should be able to trust each other, and not play ganes when one feels like it, just because you can..


And i'm not saying this as a women's perspective, I know that some girls can do the exact same. But i just know from what i've beentold, and from personal expeience that men have done it more..

I'm not discriminating against males, i'm not doing that at all, just expressing my valid point. And hell if any male/ or female for that matter has any objective to what i have said, Please feel free to say. Don't hesitate, I would love to hear what anyone says on an of my notes. It's why i write, So people can know who i am, and fight to make a point valid if i believe it's so.

But that doesn't mean i wont listen. Who knows, you might make me change my mind. But you will never know until you write back.

I would love to hear from anyone with a valid point. On absolutely everything and anything. :)

Love to hear from you soon..

<3 Emma

(A.K.A Qendresea)
Lady of Squee and Honorary Black Rose...

Monday, March 2, 2009

Black Breaks, Guilt Burns


The sand of the desert.
Is as black as the rose.
As it wilters in darkness.
To make out my soul.

The soul of my body.
As it withers away.
To form my heart.
As it breaks and fades.

To sing it out loud.
I am dying of guilt.
The guilt i have known.
For as long as i've lived.

The guilt of my fate.
My heart, my soul.
The one that will never..
.. Ever go.

To finish it off.
I have never wanted it more.
To love you like fire.
Burning on the floor.

(C) Emma Shaw - 9th October 2006



I hate all those things you did to me.
I hate your fucking face.
I hate to even think of you.
I hate your smiles embrace.

I hate when you never called.
I hate all those things i use to like.
I hate that you took everything from me.
I hate that i'm too weak to fight.

I hate this world.
I hate you.
I hate all those things you put me through.

You never should have earned my trust.
You threw it back in my face.
When you never showed you'd care.

I thought i loved you.
I thought i lost you.
But you never knew how much.
And now your saying for me to rot in hell.
When i'm the one that came out on top.

(C) Emma Shaw - 8th April 2008


This is a dedication to my Grandad, i wrote this poem seconds after finding out his strokes weren't all strokes, some were combined with the case of being epileptic..


It drops you to the floor
Your whole body shaking
You cant control yourself
No-one can help

They throw a pillow under you
To stop you hurting yourself
They move the chairs
So they cant harm you

Your wishing it would stop
As your loved ones around you look on with shock

You grit your teeth tight
As you start to slowly still
You look at their faces
And see all their tears

You wish they hadn't seen that
You wish it wasn't so
But too late before you say it
They already know.

(C) Emma Shaw - 12th March 2008

Person Is Me


When life goes by you should always think about the ones you know,
The ones you love and the ones you should love,
They way that love is constructed around the people you hsare life with,
The ones that are amazed with what you do,
The ones that should care bout you when you care about them,
The ones that you love, worship, and sometimes hate.

But the best thing about your lovers, is that you can do what ever you please and you will always be loved by one person..

.. And that person is me ..

(C) Emma Shaw - 1st April 2006


Hatred is a big word when you put all of your hatred towards someone. Especially one someone that you thought you loved, thought you cared so much about that you would feel their pain when they were sad, lost, or forgotten..

But in the end your forgotten...

(C) Emma Shaw - 8th April 2008

To Be Or Not To Be


To be or not to be.
That is the question i am asking.
This is a well preserved comment.
And one i wish not to find out.
One i wish not to look at.
And one i wish not to see.
The one where everytime i hear it.
It drives me up the wall.
To be or not to be.
Is that even a question worth asking.
I think so, but i also think not.

(C) Emma Shaw - 21st March 2006



I would loved to have known what life was like when i was a child.
To have all the memories installed back into my brain.
To think that i don't have amnesia.
And to live a simple life.
A better life.

To hope for something that will happen.
To wish for something and for it to become true.
To have everyone not stare at you like you're some random person.
And to make the vision through my eyes.
And yours to be the centre of..


(C) Emma Shaw - 18th Augsut 2005

Life Has Changed...


Life has changed over and over again.
No matter how many times you look at it.
It will always be different.
It will be different in sight, sound, taste, smell and touch.

You'll always think to your self that you're the one who has changed.
But you'r totally wrong.

It's wrong to say that you're alone.
It's wrong to say that your not loved.
It's wrong to go through life without anyone by your side.

But this always seems to happen.

When ever someone needs you the most.
You're never there to help them.
When someone doesn't need your help at all.
You seem to be there annoying them constantly.

No-one can help this, what people go through everyday.
They can only help themselves when they need it most.

I wish it was different.
I wish it was over.

But i wish that i was different.
I wish that i was over.

But for some reason i will be far from it.

And i'm glad.
Because nothing can save me.
For what i'm about to do to myself.
And i hope no-one ever does.

So Goodbye..


(C) Emma Shaw - 22nd August 2006


I know what it feels like to be rejected and humiliated. To feel your heart ripped open because you finally took a chance on that relationship and it wound up confirming your worst fears that you are worthless and not woth caring about..

So you may not understand, but this is how i feel...


Friends are like magnets,
Magnets that never let go,
You pull, and pull, and pull,
But you're stuck together.
Until one day you corrode,
And fall apart,
You try to hang on,
But the bond as out lasted itself.
Sometimes you can fix this bond,
Sometimes it's for the better,
Sometimes it's never what you want,
This is what you can't help.
Help would be painful,
Help would bring a tear to your eye,
Help is never what they want,
But help is all you can provide.
Even love can't put that bond back together..
(C) Emma Shaw - 27th July 2008